Far Gone
by arkhamangel827
Summary: Quincest AU Tegan and Sara as teenagers. Sara's got issues, and it's up to Tegan and friends to help her. Tegan has to help herself figure out what to do with her inappropriate feelings she has for her sister. Sara is so lost in her problems that she doesn't really notice. Sara keeps everything under wraps; sometimes she has feeling that she doesn't even know about. Please enjoy :)


**Far Gone**

A/N: So this is my second TnS fic, and I think I'll be listening to a lot of alternative rock as I write, especially Paramore and Linkin Park. In fact, there are even some *special* characters! I hope you enjoy! Review! =^}

Prologue:

Some Time Ago...

Near The Start.

Sara's POV

I was getting antsy... It had been too long. I sat at the table with my mum, Sonia, my dad, Bruce, and my twin sister Tegan. Our younger brother was at a friend's house and staying overnight. I pushed my food around on my plate childishly. I knew I couldn't eat it.

I hadn't eaten anything all day, but I had consumed about six cups of coffee, and was nursing my seventh at the table when mum looked at me.

"Sara, are you alright?" She asked me. I nodded without looking up from the depths of my mug.

"Have you eaten anything at all today?" She asked.

"I wasn't hungry... I'm just not hungry. Can I go upstairs? I don't feel well." I mumble, and Dad spoke up.

"Maybe it's all of those coffees you've been drinking. I would be bouncing off of the walls right now. How many is that now? Five?" He asked in disbelief.

"Seven. I-I had seven." I answered. The truth was, my hands shook, and the caffeine had an effect on me, but I was nervous enough as it was since it had been nearly two weeks since I'd last used. I was starting withdrawal, and I couldn't take it.

"Well, don't finish that one. Put it in the sink, okay?" She said, sounding concerned.

I looked up for the first time and tried not to look into her eyes as I got up from the table. Tegan hadn't said anything. She knew about my drug issues, and didn't approve, but she promised me that she wouldn't tell mum.

I went to the bathroom after that and mussed up my short blonde locks and tried to think of what I could do for the next five hours.

I sat awake on my bedspread and played my guitar softly for a while, grew tired of that; I settled for lying under my blankets (which were too hot for my skin) and looking out of my window.

There was a knock on my door. A glance to my bedside clock told me that it was 30 minutes after midnight. I rolled out of the blankets.

"Yes?" I ask, my voice hoarse from three and a half hours of non use.

"Hey, it's... It's me. Can I come in?" Tegan whispered from the other side of my door.

"Yeah, come in." I reply, and the door slowly opened and closed, then Tegan was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"What's up?" I ask.

"What's been going on with you lately? I know that you have, like, that addiction sort of thing going on, but don't you think you should be less obvious so mum and dad don't notice?" She asked me, and I could sense her irritation, though she was trying hard to keep it covered.

"I'm trying, but it's hard... It's been so long since I've had anything... It's been eleven days- well twelve since it's after midnight." I answer and Tegan takes a deep breath, probably considering her words.

"Sara, I wish you wouldn't do what you do... It's no good for you." She was quiet.

"I know, but I need it now. It's too late to stop now." I muttered, sitting up and facing Tegan's back.

"No, Sara, it's not too late, and you don't need the drugs. I need you... What happens if you overdose? What am I gonna tell mum? What am I supposed to do if you're not here anymore?" Her voice cracked at the end of her seemingly rhetorical questions.

"Tee, I-" I started and stopped, seriously thinking things over. "I'm going to try... I-I mean it... I'm still going out tonight, but I swear I'm gonna try, okay? Because I need you too." I replied, and she turned around facing me and quickly buried her face in my neck, but not before I'd seen the moonlight reflect the tears on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I was so selfish... I guess I didn't realize that what I was doing would have an effect on someone else, on you. I'm so fucking sorry, Tee." I say, rubbing small circles on Tegan's back as I felt her small frame shaking slightly.

"I love you, Sara, I don't know what I'd do without you..." She choked out quietly.

"I love you too, Tee. I swear, after tonight, I'm going to stop. I'll get help. I'll... I'll even tell mum and dad. I want you to know that I'm serious about this. I really am, Tee." I told her, and she shook her head. "Don't tell them, not yet... Just... Stop using."

I didn't question her, nor did I complain when she disconnected herself from me and lay herself under my duvet and drifted off to sleep on my pillow.

A few hours later...

It was late, and I'd made sure that mum, dad and Tegan were all asleep. It was two in the morning but I wasn't tired; I was excited.

I climbed out of my second-story window, and got down with the help of the tree outside my window. I had my lighter in my pocket, and as my feet connected with the solid ground, I raced as fast away from my house as I could. Just before I got to the door, I stopped to catch my breath and took a hit from my puffer in my pocket.

When the air flowed freely and easily from my lungs, I knocked on the door of Christina's house.

"Mm, Sara, babe, you made it. Come in," she purred, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulling me into her. I inhaled, immediately smelling the alcohol and drugs on her, it was her signature smell, and she was like the high school's main supplier. Her father owned a winery, and her mother was a doctor and part-time pharmacist. So that explained the wine and over the counter drugs that everyone was gulping down, but it didn't quite explain the reason that she was always alone at home with her dog Pedo. Her parents were always out, and her brother Christopher was always elsewhere, getting high. Christina never minded his absence, since he was a major homophobe.

I never understood that. I never cared. I loved the feeling the high gave me, like waves crashing down over me; it was like the only feeling of helplessness that I didn't detest. But like I said, I don't care about Christina's problems. I only care about feeding my addiction and quenching my thirst.

I pulled myself away from Christina after placing a kiss on her cheek, knowing that I was only there at her party because I was both famished and parched. I knew that I would eventually have to get over it. Everything always ended when it seemed to be going well, right?

"So, baby, what do you want?" Christina whispered the question against my ear.

"What do you have?" I asked, and the corners of her mouth lifted, and she motioned for me to follow.

She walked down towards the basement and showed her her stash. She reached for my hand, so I faked a cough, covering my mouth, so she would miss my hand. We weren't even dating, and I'll admit that I was just seeing her for what I could get out of it. And I wouldn't even date her "type". I'm better than her; better because after tonight, drugs won't rule my life. I've decided that I'm going to run my life. So that's definitely a reason for us not to date. I'd never introduced her to my parents or anything, but I'd met hers before, by accident, when we got caught making out in her car.

I think that her parents weren't too happy with me, or her either. I'm not too sure if they support her being gay. No one in my family even knows because I haven't told anyone. I don't know if Tegan knows, but I haven't really spoken to her about it.

Christina pressed a handful of different drugs into my palm.

"I got you some of everything. There's some Vicodin, OxyContin, Demerol, Percocet, Darvocet, and Ritalin. If you crush them-"

"I'll fucking die if I crush these... We have to be a bit more careful than that, you know? Um, well I'll just chew one of the OxyContin. Holy fucking shit, you got the 160 milligrams. I'll take the other ones like normal. Got something to wash this down?" I ask, while chewing on the OxyContin. I was going to snuff it out, but then I remembered Tegan, and changed my mind. It wasn't long before I was beginning to feel the effects of the drug make its way into my system.

Tegan's POV

I couldn't explain why I'd felt so upset when I realized that Sara was feeling unwell due to her lack of drug use... It was good, withdrawal, but I knew that she was only looking to use again.

I mean, the drugs weren't really doing her any good, were they? She was only hurting herself by playing the dangerously risky game of pill popping. I was only enabling her by not telling someone, like mum or Bruce. But I wouldn't always be her enabler. Then I'd have to explain to mum, Bruce, and our younger brother, Ted, what happened if something ever went wrong and Sara lost the game she was playing.

I lay awake in my room down the hall from Sara's, unable to sleep until I know she's made it home safely. I guess it's just my older sister instincts; or maybe it's the fact that I know how reckless a 17 year old girl could be. Especially Sara, though. She's already a pretty free-spirited person, so when she's higher than a fucking kite, and drunk... Don't get me started on the trouble she could get into.

Great, now I'm worried... for no reason. Sara knows how to take care of herself. That what she tells everyone. She's a loner sometimes, but she's always loved girls; always wanted them around. I on the other hand, only needed Brad, my guy friend, who has a crush on me. I'm not denying that fact that he's a really attractive guy, but I've just never really been sure what gender I was really attracted to. Sara had always been sure, even though she never told me. When she was five, she "dated" Christina Simpson, and we moved to Vancouver, and it ended. But then we came back here, to Calgary, and the two reunited as good friends. But maybe I was sure. I'd cut my hair and thinned it out. I looked pretty much like a boy. Sara's hair was like mine, except hers was a bit wilder, and a bit blonder.

Either way, I'm learning new things about myself just by watching Sara. My brother, Ted, is only a year younger than me, but still very much a best friend to both Sara and I. His hair is probably around the length of ours, and really curly.

My phone started to ring, and I quickly grabbed it and answered it, so not to wake my parents who were more than likely fast asleep at the end of the hall.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Tegan, I'm kind of buzzed right now... Can you open the front door for me?" Ted's voice came through the receiver.

"No, that's too obvious. Heh, I knew you weren't studying for a test, Teddy! Come to the kitchen door. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" I ask. I can almost sense his nod, and he says yes, and I disconnect the call. I throw on some shorts that had been discarded on my floor hours earlier.

I slowly made my way to the kitchen, so not to draw suspicion, just in case I was caught. I wouldn't want have to explain why I had been running to kitchen.

I got to the door and saw Ted's smiling face through the blinds. I let him in, and he began laughing loudly.

"Why does Sara get invited to so many parties? I wanna go get high too!" He says a bit too loud. I clamp my hand over his mouth.

"Ted, you're fucking drunk! And no, you don't want to get high; it's not cool. All it ever does is fuck up your life! I need you, Ted. We have to help Sara get away from drugs. And that means we have to get her away from Christina. Okay, Ted?" I ask, removing my hand, and suddenly, he goes from being a happy drunk to being a sleepy drunk.

"Sure, Teegs. I'd like it very much if we could just talk in the morning... Can we? You can get me aspirin, and Sar can make me some coffee. I'm so tired, so I'm going to bed. Thanks for letting me in, by the way." He says, turning and going upstairs.

"No problem..." I say, settling down at one of the bar stools and waiting. I was waiting for Sara, and waiting for things to be better. Everything in my brain was muddled. Impossible for me to sort through. I needed someone to just hold me, and a shiver ran through my body when I realized who I wanted it to be; who I wanted to be safe; who I wanted to come home; who I wanted to be sober, and who I wanted to be with me.

I was out of my fucking mind.


End file.
